Intel: the future of computing

(or something like that)


Featured Product: The Intel Arc Pro B60
Halo CE on the B60 with SR-IOV
Not shown to scale
Intel Arc Pro B60
Serving suggestion
What makes this GPU so cool?
  • Ever-changing SR-IOV support
    • Depending on driver version, You can run up to 7 (seven) virtual machines on one card!!
  • Rock-Solid aesthetics among all AIB partner cards:
    • We have every color you could want, so long as that color is black. — Sparkle Computer Co., Ltd.
    • Same lmao — ONIX Technology PTE. Ltd.
    • It's actually just a very dark gray — ASRock Inc.
  • Affordability!! $600ish
    • At this price point, your boss won't ask questions.
  • Always In Stock
    • You Don't Even Need To Check
  • Hella VRAM: 24 GB, 48 GB, etc.
    • That's enough to run over one hundred instances of Halo CE.

Buy one today

News bulletin
  • Jensen Huang bad, upvotes on teh left
  • Intel soon to enter the kitchen appliance business (we already got the toaster manufacturing part figured out with Netburst)
  • Upcoming: i9 not enough for you? Turn it up to eleven with i11, featuring 11 cores and 23.5 threads. Why eleven you may ask? Well Nvidia got away with this BS for the 1080ti VRAM so we thought we'd try our luck lol.
  • Also: i3 too much for you? Introducing the Core i1, equipped with two-thirds of a core and like maybe a single thread if you're lucky.
  • The new Intel GPU driver has been delayed again, but that shouldn't surprise anyone at this point.
PENTIUM D 420XX

Do computer stuff like never before. With the latest lineup of Pentiums, anything is possible. From gaming to modeling to crunching a lot of numbers in Excel to whatever else's hip with the kids these days, you'll be amazed by how quick the things go. It's packing like a half-dozen cores too so you can multitask the hell outta your workflow. Built on Nephalem for that nostalgic Core gen-one feeling, but with our snazzy 14nm+++++ fab process so it boosts up to like five or six gigahertz, my dude. TDP is a hundred something Watts but who cares.

Customer testimonies:
"Wow that was really fast."
Bill Smith
"The user experience is smoother than the industrial lubricant I use all the time for... things."
Richard "Rock Hard" Johnson
"I have seen many processors and Pentium is one of them."
Guy Manderson
Buy one today for $199

Interview: Big John talks about LGA 2069
Aight so here's the deal. We got over two kilopins on these fancy-shmancy motherboards, right? Well we thought "Hey what if we made that over two thousand plus three." And that's where LGA 2069 comes in. It's fundamentally the exact same product as 2066 except now it's completely incompatible with existing hardware. That means that all the datacenters and HEDT users gotta fork over their lunch money again if they want to stay in the with it and hip crowd. Futureproofing is dead and we have killed it.
Now we just gotta hope that the damn Chinese don't come up with a backwards-compatibility hack again like they did with LGA 771...

Intel Compute Stick 2: the sequel everyone's been asking for

Using just one HDMI port is so passé. This time we've got two of them, one on each end of the stick, to double the bandwidth for that quality 8k experience. We've also added USB-C connectors on the top and bottom so you can plug one stick into another, creating an infinitely chainable source of computing power. That's right, you can now make a fully functional compute cluster out of single-core Atom processors. Think of how many screens you could power with this sort of advanced tech!