Meat Substrate
So alotta people have been wondering: ...
"who has the best meats?"
And with that said, let's dive into it.
Meat #1: Arby's
Your local Arby's has meat; everybody knows this. But is it worth your time?
Answer: maybe. Arby's hasn't substantially innovated in the Meat Climate in over seven (7) years. If you're a pedestrian who enjoys the taste of un-innovated meats, then, yes, Arby's is worth your time. But that doesn't mean that you should settle for such un-innovated meats. Meat is evolving, and so can you.
Meat #2: Deer Slabs
You can craft deer slabs using slabs of deer meat, a cooking station, and an open flame (in that order).
Deer are a menace to all local flora, especially those that are short (<6'4" tall).
Every deer killed is another shrub saved.
Do your civic duty; eat a deer slab.
Meat #3: Wolf Jerkey™
I think that Wolf Jerkey™ is pretty good. And I'm not just saying that.
What makes Wolf Jerkey™ special is the ingredients. Wolf Jerkey™ is made with 100% Real Wolf Meat™ and 100% Real Honey™.
That's what makes Wolf Jerkey™ special. Preorders available now.
Meat #4: Arby's at 2AM
Your local Arby's is probably not open at 2AM; everybody knows this. But is it worth your time?
Answer: yes, absolutely. Even though Arby's-class meat is un-innovated, some meat enthusiasts have found a novel way to preserve their Arby's meats via an in-home refridgeration system. Innovation, when rendered as a coefficient of meat, is a real-valued function of time; accordingly, Arby's-class meat improves across all metrics as the delta widens between "time that the meat was purchased" and "time that the meat was consumed." Your local Arby's may lock their buy menu at a set time each night, so purchases should be planned accordingly.
⚠WARNING⚠ No meat, Arby's-class or elsewise, may be left unattended in an environment with an ambient atmospheric temperature in excess of 41°F (5°C). To do so is to invite the growth of microorganisms in, on, and around the meat.
Additionally, any meat's quality is time-variant, and steadily decreases at an approximately-linear rate while in preservation; the exact function may depend on the particular meat's substrate class, among other factors.
Meat #5: Impossible Whopper
jk lol
Meat #6: Apple Silicon A18 Pro chip
Now I know what you must be thinking at this point. "Hey," you mumble, your words barely audible through a mouthful of Wolf Jerkey™, "Apple is a fruit."
Yes, dear pedestrian, Apple is a fruit.
[TODO] finish this section, make it funny somehow.
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