Millville® Toaster Tarts

Frosted Chocolate Fudge

The First Bites:

There's a lot of crust. The kind that's crumbles easily, like a bake-sale brownie that's been irradiated by sunlight for an unknowable length of time. There's a small tease of filling present in these bites. Goopy, but not glooby.

Further Inside the Tart:

A bit less crust, and a bit more goo. It sticks to the roof of the mouth. It sticks to the inner radius of the teeth. It sticks to the throat as it goes down. You can't get this at home, kids. Unless, of course, you purchase Millville® Toaster Tarts.

Onward:

The goo really shines here. It's pretty much edible epoxy (the glue-like resin stuff), and that's a good thing. The white sugary bits on the outer top surface of each tart help to diversify the texture. Adding stones to barleycorns will help break them down, as the saying goes.

External Details:

The foil wrapper is immaculate, borderline holographic. Undecorated, unadultered by sterile comedy-lite quips or comics. The only corpo jargon present is that which is immediately relevant to consumer safety. I'm talking about food allergy info here. Every food wrapper should have this kind of info. Here's hoping that Millville® starts a trend for the betterment of mankind.

Value:

At under $2 USD, the value is unbeatable. High quality, low prices, and no questions asked. Invest today. Your neighbor already called.

Ethics:

💯️

Nutrition:

340 Calories in one foil wrapper. That's a solid number. If you've been looking for a low-effort food to have with lurasidone: this is it, Luigi. Also: a healthy balance of fat (8g), carbs (61g), and protein (3g). There's literally no better way to start the next chapter of your career.

The Verdict